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Doors In My Heart

>> Monday, June 4, 2007

After I got my new look here, I began writing a post on the pictures that are across the top. I was writing about the door and meditating on any closed doors in my heart. Later that day, I sat at the piano and just began to worship. All of a sudden, I was in the presence of Jesus and singing this song. I was crying as the words came forth. I knew I had to write them down the best I could before I forgot them. Although I didn't think that it applied to me, God has used it to check my own heart. It was a surprise to me to the sludge that's been in my heart. Maybe it will minister to you. Here is the song that came out of that time of worship.

Doors In My Heart
A spontaneous song

He came knocking at the door. I heard His voice and opened it with a smile. He came in to dine with me and to sup with me. We looked around the room together. Everything was in it’s place. Everything was lovely.

He said “It’s beautiful here. I’m so proud of you. I love you”.

I smiled and said “I love you too, with all my heart”.

Then He turned and looked at the door at the end of the hall.

My heart cried out, “Oh No.”

He looked at me with eyes washed with pure love. He started to take a step towards the door.

I began to weep. I begged Him, please don’t go there. I’m so ashamed. I was filled with guilt and pain. I didn’t want Him to see in behind that door. That’s my stuff. Don’t go there. Please.

I fell into a heap on the floor, washing his feet with my tears. I was so ashamed to let Him see behind the door. There was so much pain in that room. There was so much guilt. Please don’t go in there, I cried.

He sat on the floor and gently pulled me onto His lap. He held me tight and I could hear His heartbeat. It was a rhythm of love. As I listened to His heartbeat, I felt washed and encouraged and strengthened.

He stood up and gently took my hand. We started walking toward the door together. He put his hand on the doorknob and turned it to open the door, ever so gently. There was a horrible smell that came out of that room. It smelled like death. He looked at me with those amazing eyes of love. And then we stepped into the room.

I knew that He knew about this room all along. And that He knew what was in it.

I knew what I had to do. But I didn’t think I had the strength. He looked at me again with amazing love and tenderness. I knew it was going to be okay.

I slowly walked to one of the bags and picked it up. I turned around in weakness. The tears began to flow again.

He held out his arms to me. I took him the bag of hurt and abuse. I placed it in His open arms.

Then the bag disappeared. I was so shocked. I quickly went and got another bag. Again, He had his arms outstretched toward me. I placed the bag of shame and guilt into His arms. And again, it disappeared.

I looked closer and saw the nail prints in His hands. I saw the nail prints in His hands.

One by one, I took more and more bags of hurt and abuse, of death and destruction, of shame and guilt and finally of broken dreams.

One by one as I put them in His outstretched arms, they disappeared. Each time I saw the nail prints in His hands. And my heart became overwhelmingly grateful. And I felt clean.

The last bag I put in His hands, I saw the nail prints begin to bleed.

And I understood at that moment, the power of the blood of Jesus, and the price He paid on the cross for me to have freedom from death.

Not only eternal death, but the death that is caused by sin and guilt and shame. The death that the enemy wants to use to hold me back from my destiny in Jesus, and the high call that He has for me.

Thank you Jesus for life. Thank you for the cross. Thank you for the nail prints on your hands. And thank you for the blood.

I belong to You. I give you all the keys to the doors of my heart. You are my Master and my Love.

© MEU 2007

Blessings.

12 comments:

EllieMae June 4, 2007 at 5:06 PM  

Beautiful.
I'm speechless.

Linda June 4, 2007 at 8:58 PM  

I love your song. I think it is a word picture we can all so easily identify with. He so lovingly deals with all of the things we are so ashamed of and puts them under His blood. It is miraculous.
Thanks for sharing.

Sunydazy June 4, 2007 at 9:12 PM  

This ministered to me tonight. i can't tell you how much! Thanks for sharing this.

javamamma June 4, 2007 at 10:52 PM  

What a transparent, beautiful post. I love times at the keyboard with just, me and my song to My First Beloved!

forgetfulone June 4, 2007 at 11:15 PM  

Wow! That is an impressive song. I would love to actually hear it.

amethyst June 5, 2007 at 1:54 AM  

hi! read your song, felt that way a lot of times also, and Jesus always makes me feel loved. I feel His love even if I am unworthy, even when I hurt him with my thoughts and actions... He is always with me, guiding me, helping me and loving me.... no, not just me, but all of us.

amethyst June 5, 2007 at 1:59 AM  

hi! I am new at this, i posted a comment earlier but it got lost, somehow... I read your song and i have felt that way a lot of times before but Jesus always makes me feel loved. He is always there for me... no, for all of us... even if I am unworthy.. even when I hurt him with my thoughts, words and actions... He still loves me.. God bless...

Mary June 6, 2007 at 6:06 AM  

The admiration of an incredible son...that is way cool. Thanks Caleb. But Jesus is way cooler! :) Love you bunches.

Jenileigh June 6, 2007 at 7:50 PM  

This was simply beautiful. I love your blog design too. Thanks so much for sharing this.

eph2810 June 8, 2007 at 1:10 PM  

What a powerful song, Mary...

Thank you so much for sharing your heart.

Blessings to you and yours.

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